One last run

Yes thats right the great Xervean has recovered from the land of busto and has built his biggest bankroll in 1.5 years! After many deep meditations on a daily basis and study of the law of attraction... poker and for that matter life in general is much better. Tomorrow I shall begin the cross country road trip to vegas. I dont know who all is still down there, but if there is some kinda big lp gathering i'd like to meet some ppl(although i wont be playing credit card roulette )

Also if someone knows of a good place to stay/ has a place to stay for rent let me know

Busto... 50/100 fixed limit didnt win a single hand.. Im taking this one really hard too, I am quite emotional right now. Usually when i bust it doesnt bother me and I just shake it off and laugh about it. This time however I was perfectly poised for the first time in a long time to really make a lot of money and I was totally secure in my bankroll. Its so devestating to do something so stupid repeatedly and flush it all away. I just dont know what im gonna do with myself. This sucks so bad, I would really be so fucked if I didnt have a job. I simply dont know what I can do to conquer these demons I have... I am back to square one again the same place I was in fucking nov 2005... 500$ and 25nl. I continually waste my time and piss away my social life to make all this money and now I have the same or less than I did in fucking 2005. I dont know what to fucking do im at a total loss. I mean some obviously will say I should quit.. but why the fuck would I quit now? I have these skills i spent like 2.5 years developing and I can run my 500 up to fucking 10k in 2 months easy so quitting doesnt make sense. But then again i'll just fucking lose it in a 5 minute period at some bullshit highstakes. How the fuck can I possibly overcome this?

So the day started off pretty shitty in omaha... lost 3 buy ins in hardly anytime at all. Fucked around playing some stud for a while at the 3/6 level made about 30$ then went back to omaha and got even for the day. So I was just kinda chilling playing some 100nl and the damned coffee shop announce closing time at 7pm for memorial day. wtf is that shit?!?! So I get kicked out and go to my car and decide that I need to gambooooooooooooool more. So I turn on my laptop and begin the quest for a wifi signal. I drive up and down the streets of norfolk searching and searching. I try out a mcdonalds but only get a local signal and couldnt get it to connect to internet. So on the way out a guy walks in with a pokerstars hat. And im like yo nice hat and we talk about jokerstars for a bit then I ask him where a good coffeshop/wifi spot is. So he tells me a place downtown and I head there. Unfortunately I get hella fucking lost and roam around for 2 hours. Eventually I stop at a 7/11 and buy a map. I get to my destination at long last and it appears to be a gas station so i go in to check it out. There was a small section on the side coffee shop style with tables and BINGOOOOO electrical outlet. So I plug in connect and SCORE im online. Also sitting next to me was a full blown african with colorful robes and wild designs and a bright yellow turban. Also the best part is he had a gym bag that said national geographic! I snuck a pic on my cell phone and once I figure out how to get it on my comp I will def post.

So I startup a 100nl session and tear it up winning 4 buy ins. Then I do flipaments at .02/.05 PLO because a friend was sitting. Somehow that put me on tilt and I played fixed limit which is total death to me. Ran the gauntlet and ended up dropping a good 1.6k over the course of a few hours. Then I play a 215 turbo and manage to win it and then take second in a 114. Then I joined a 5400fpp sat and won that. Now I unregistered my ticket to tourney$ and im playing 2 114$ sngs hoping to get even for the night. Will I? who knows but at least I made back a good chunk of what I tilted off at 30/60 fixed.

So in closing I definately need to just NOT play PLO or fixed limit until I have been tilt free for like 6 months. And well I really need to never play fixed limit again as long as I live.